recent reads #3

Since my last book-related post I have read some ace books and some dire books. I shall share both. I do sometimes find it difficult to force myself to sit down and read and thus I am not progressing through this years book-bucket-list as quick as I would like. Last weekend, in the beating sun, I spent 3 solid days reading and it was bliss–note to self, do it more often.


Cat on a Hot Tin Roof–Tennessee Williams
Tennessee Williams is a genius. After studying Streetcar for A-level (which I think is a piece of absolute artistry) I wanted to read more of his work. The way he presents broken characters and flawed society through the ambiguous motifs of his own biographical past is insane and its only once you begin to learn about him and his world-view that you truly appreciate his talent. Cat on a Hot Tin Roof was just as morbid and depressing and showed the worst aspects of society. It covers themes of sexuality (something Williams' always explores really well), deception, masculinity, family and intertwines it with beautifully complicated and tragic characters. It is destructively cruel, in a way that makes you want to cry. Williams understands society so skilfully and something about his writing and characters makes my heart break. The version I have has 2 alternate endings which in some ways ruined the play because it made the characters lives seem less real, but it was also an interesting technique of Williams to encourage interpretation. I do think this is maybe more appreciated/understood if you've previously studied Williams' work/as a playwright but maybe not.
some quotes i like:
"we're all of us sentenced to solitary confinement inside our own skins"
"personal lyricism is the outcry of prisoner to prisoner from the cell in solitary where each is confined for the duration of his life" (as you can see, he's a really happy guy)

Call me by your name–Andre Aciman
I shall keep the review of this brief as it has been reviewed and discussed relentlessly. All for good reason, of course, but I'll just mention the bits I find especially significant. I undoubtedly adored it and couldn't stop thinking about it. I cried and wanted to talk about it endlessly. The sensuous language, cultural references and internal narrative created such an intimacy and the use of (a form of) continuous prose accentuates this closeness. A review on the back reads "as much a story of paradise found as it is of paradise lost" and I think this captures the novel perfectly. The inevitability of the ending fuels the pathos that runs throughout. It has immense parallels with The Go-Between (which I also re-read this month, check out a review here). They similarly explore destructive desire, naivety and illicit sexual awakening in the confines of a sultry and almost claustrophobic heat.
Fuck, I just looked over some highlighted bits in the last chapter ("You never did forgive me, did you?" "Forgive? There was nothing to forgive") and remembered how heartbreaking this novel was, especially the last scene which wasn't in the film.
some quotes i like:
"We had found the stars, you and I. And this is given only once"
"...crossed to the bank, where time stops and heaven reaches down to earth and gives us that ration of what is from birth divinely ours"

Larchfield–Polly Clark
This book was purchased on a whim and it was pretty shit in my mind. Utterly depressing and frustrating and repetitive and seemed to drag. It has a split narrative (one of W.H Auden set in 1930's (which I didn't realise and I have very little interest in him) and one of Ruth in present day) and I greatly preferred one over the other. The plot seemed to peak after a couple of chapters and the moment when the characters transcended the time barriers made me want to give up. I appreciate that a novel does not have to conform to reality but it just didnt work. Alas, it explored interesting themes of loneliness and sexuality and religion but just didn't do much for me. The ending was also sickeningly (and unrealistically) upbeat.

Humans–Matt Haig
I read Humans in a weekend under the uncharacteristically hot May sun. It was glorious. I read How to stop time (also Matt Haig) and they are definitely very similar. As the title suggests, this novel totally explores what it means to be human, with a clever use of narrative.  It presents family relationships and mental health and being different and acceptance and love, with a humorous undertone. It made me think a lot about the transitory and pointless nature of being alive and how meaningless humanity is, in many ways. I actually found this very reassuring, it helped to rationalise the angst. I thoroughly enjoyed seeing humanity through a different 'lens' and it made you think "fuck" about so many common aspects of society. The novel pares back humanity and being alive and beautifully presents the most essential components (essentially love). Haig, as always, writes with such wisdom and awareness and his literature feels like a kind of therapy. I usually hate both fantasy and forced humour in a novel but found neither overbearing and actually it added to the text in many ways. My only criticism was its similarity to How to stop time, but I suppose this just emphasises Haig's underlying message.
Some quotes i like:
"I realised the pathos of being human. Of being a mortal create who was essentially alone but needed the myth of togetherness with others" (how true?!)
"He eats around three bowls of cereal a day" (this is me.)
"The single biggest act of bravery or madness anyone can do is the act of change"
"Loneliness...is in fact as universal as hydrogen"
"You can't find happiness looking for the meaning of life. Meaning is only the third most important thing. It comes after loving and being"
"Dark matter is needed to hold galaxies together. Your mind is a galaxy. More dark than light. But the light makes it worthwhile"
"...the melancholy beauty of the setting sun"


I also read Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine but its been reviewed and documented so widely, I figured my thoughts wouldn't add much. I found it an enjoyable read but a bit strange–the narrative had an ambiguous mix of light-heartedness and morbidity and I found aspects frustrating. I wouldn't rave about it but it was fun to read.

Now I am reading a Gentleman in Moscow which fuels my passion for Soviet History and is very ambiguous, I have no idea how its going to develop–which I love.
So yes. Lots of good literature has been consumed. I also binged the whole of Queer Eye which I adored and have been listening to Getting Curious on my runs which is entertaining. After a shit tonne of hassle with my camera (all self induced), I now need to tidy my room (oh lord) and have a disco nap before going out again tonight and working tomorrow. WOo for gap years, yeh!

summer vibez

This spring eve is so beautiful. My view is ethereal. One of the beauties of spring I enjoy most is this rectangle of dappled light that appears above my bed on late June evenings. It is so magical and warming. And this year I have the space and the time to enjoy such a fantasy.
If my head allows.
I am trying to make the most of Spring. Later, I may go and sit in the garden with a blanket and The Go-Between and let nature melt away my worries.
Below enjoy a compilation of summery pics to get you in the mood. They are from holidays been and gone and are totally fuelling my wanderlust.










I am living so much in the future at the moment. Counting down the months or wishing away the days. I hate it but it cannot be denied that I am dreaming of summer. I crave the feeling of the air after a blessed day of sun, soft, kissed and the trees whispering a silent "this is what it means to be alive". I am dreaming of nights spent in the park or the pub, with friends who have been gone too long. Re-kindling the closeness of times ago. I am musing about open windows and a cool breeze as I fall asleep, about suitcases and passports, about Pimms and bonfires and evenings on the beach and disposable pictures. I am hoping for the smell of sun cream and bronzed skin and new languages and different cultures and nights out in Hungarian clubs and Moroccan mint tea and books read on the beach and Parisian evenings and more hours spent looking out my window at the illuminated leaves and golden light.


a summer mood board

There are so many plans and many more that I want to carry out and places I want to go. Even though I have spent almost every conceivable wage, outside of buying drinks and entry to clubs, on travel of some form, I still have a burning wanderlust. Even now I have SkyScanner open and am trawling to find the cheapest flights to, well, anywhere. I am in need of adventure and spontaneity and even though I know this is coming and will come, I can't help but want more. I also remind myself that I have so many summers left to live and so much more time for adventures.

The past few days have been sheer bliss. Sun and nights out and meals out and good company and new piercings and coffee. And now I am enjoying the heat-induced euphoria of a bank holiday weekend spent reading and eating and relishing in the prospect of no work tomorrow. Yipee.


lessons learned (and the ones i've got left to learn)

This year has been all about learning. When I was assaulted by a voice that scathed "you can't be doing much in your gap year if you're working here" I took a deep breath and spoke in an internal mantra:
I am learning about myself.
And I am. I've kept a list in my notebook under my bed and have added to it each time I realised something.


things I've learned:
1) people and things are generally neither wholly black nor white, people can do bad things and still be good people. You don't have to like every aspect of a person to like them as a person.
2) bad people can be successful. There was a false preconception in school that something bad = bad consequences for that person (not doing work = cheating = failed exams = bad job). Real life doesn't work like that. Someone can be self-obsessed and ignorant but that might not actually ever hinder them. Its shit but its life.
3) guilt is all consuming and it affects every day life
4) time heals most things
5) society has cultivated an engrained inability to say no. Its dangerous and self-destructive
6) self-motivation is in fact a very difficult thing when there is no end goal
7) adult conversation is actually very banal (i.e hows work, how are the kids, oh i listened to a great programme on radio 4 last night, we get vegetables delivered to our front door???)
8) a lot of money can be wasted very easily on going out, drinking out, eating out
9) friendship can transcend time barriers
10) how to do new things and learn new skills and meet new people and be totally at ease with it
11) paying to live in your own bedroom is depressing but also probably quite a good life skill and teaches valuable money management (lol thanks mum???)
12) school actually wasn't everything and life continues
13) being 18 equates to spending money on things you don't want to and realising that you're parents will probably never take you shopping again
14) opportunities come up that you could never foresee and thats fun and exciting so let it all be
15) living up norf is actually very annoying
16) some people think sex and boys is all that life equates to. Tell them to fuck off.
16) how to create a life and a schedule from nothing and how not to feel lonely with only 1 friend permanently at home
17) that doing my own thing, despite the activities of those around me, was totally for the best and has cultivated so much independence
18) Pre-ing on jager is never a good idea. EVER.
19) people will forever find ways to put you down about your achievement ("humanities are easy" shut the fuck up before i take you down) stand. your. ground.
20) ingrown hairs will forever be the most satisfying things to pull out
21) striped t-shirts are always a good idea and no. you can never have too many.
22) how to eat breakfast at 8 and be hungry for lunch at 10 (because I don't like taking food to work lol)


things i still need to learn
1) a totally healthy relationship with food and exercise
2) how not to cry when I don't have many activities on in a day and be okay with average emptiness (e.g. Sundays)
3) how to control the amount of shit I chat when drunk
4) how to have less self control and let myself go (hmm oxymoronic)
5) the ability to go out for 'casual drinks' and not end up in a club vomiting
6) how to love my body, esp my boobs (lmao does anyone else have a really toxic relationship with their chest?)
7) comparison is the thief of joy
8) to finish the 12 packets of tea in the cupboard before buying any more
9) to sew a top
10) there's a 99% chance my headache does not mean I am dying
11) being in a relationship won't actually solve the internal problems (Josselyn wrote a sick blogpost about this once upon a time. I can't find it but check out her blog anyway.  I feel sad on a weekly basis that she doesnt post anymore)
12) how to take outfit pics
13) how to be open and upfront about myself and my feelings and not let them be buried by everyone else's self-centred-ness

Tell me some of your wisdom. My main goal for this morning was to "not waste time on my laptop and be productive before work". 2 hours later, I've spent the whole thing on my laptop. lol. OH well.
I swear there are some less headsy/internal posts coming up, I broke my camera (by forcing a snapped SD card) so I'm just waiting on its repair!


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some thoughts

Its a sunny thursday and I felt the need to write. I spent last night staring at a blank screen trying to transfer my messy thoughts to words on the page. It didn't work but I figured it was a bit depressing anyway.
Spring sun soothes my soul. It makes me feel bright and alive and excited for summer, I just hope it sticks around.  Life has been busy and, in the comedown to reality and return to work, I have found myself feeling lethargic and sad. Its a sort of burning nostalgia that cuts through, a craving for the past, a pining for the future, a desire for anything but now.
It is as though the world, in its unfathomable beauty, exists just out of reach. I can see the beauty but not be a part of it.

I am finding myself thinking about growing up a lot and adulthood and the automatic link my mind makes between this and dullness. I have a (hopefully false) preconception of adulthood that is built upon binary standards, convention, punishing expectation, routine, 'house and 2 kids stagnation. Its a world I don't want to conform to.

Self-love is proving a challenge and there appears to be a war breaking out between my mind and body. I am hoping the caressing touch of the sun will ease this pain. Its sort of exhausting to be built upon so much hate.

Wanderlust is getting the best of me and, whilst my savings are intended for university, I find myself dreaming of splashing them all and booking a holiday. I say this as though I am spending my summer at home. I have 4 (exciting) trips booked (as you can imagine, uni saving isn't going well) but I still long for the adventure of last summer, our interrailing adventure across Europe and the excitement and adventure that ensued. I suppose that's what I mean by nostalgia.
My mind is chasing images of weeks exploring the corners of rustic Italy or swimming in the Mediterranean or wandering the streets of Nice's vieille ville and letting the foreign language slip off my tongue with a fantasy fluency. I sort of want to be anywhere but home.
Maybe I'll explore ways to travel, ways to add another holiday onto the end of my summer. I'm already missing 2 weeks of work (but haven't told them), I guess another 2 won't hurt?!

I've been finding myself feeling fucked off at the state of the world and the nature of humanity. Do we ever learn? The news can become so overwhelming one is rendered paralysed by a sense of helplessness. Its hard to think so big. It also makes you question your own privileged problems. Are feelings valid if people locally, nationally, globally have it so much worse than you do? I then get stressed that I'm putting my first-world stresses on par with global catastrophe. Obviously I'm not but you find yourself in a state of "what can I do?"

The countdown to uni feels as though it has begun, I am inexplicably ready to move on. Life here is comfortable, safe but I need newness, excitement. I crave new faces, new experiences, education. Saying this, I have also realised (disclaimer: sorry to anyone who has exams lol) how blissful it is to not have exams. To know my place at uni is guaranteed, to know I can spend these spring days reading and walking and taking it all in. To know that, for the first time in 4 years, I can enjoy the months of April, May and June and appreciate them for what they are.

The next few days are full of work, cocktail drinking, cake baking, sewing, beach walking and sleep. I'm craving a new piercing and spending my days practicing for my driving test. The key is to cut down on the "fuck fuck fuck" and "what a knob" because I don't think they'll go down too well with the examiner. I want to get  back into photo taking but that requires a new SD card, and that can't happen until payday (because I went a little too hard on spending on eating out/going out this month–I'm actually a bit ashamed). I'm also questioning whether I can justify buying both stan smiths and nike internationalists. The answer is no. But I'm still trying.

And finally, there's some fun new posts coming up. I feel I am harking back to the old days of 2013 but I have a haul and some favourites and some recent reads to share with you all. I also want to do something combining a few pictures and adventures from last summers interrail because I never shared them.
Through the funk I have found myself in, these self-love instas have provided a lot of wisdom:
sadgirlsclub
nobodysdarlingblog
tristamateer
ramonaforgirls
ambivalentlyyours
check them out!

I hope you're all well, enjoying the sun and feeling a little more coherent than me. lol.

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disposables #2

These disposables document the slightly manic adventures of the past few weeks. I wanted to save some photos for this week and my trip away with my family but I just couldn't help snapping endlessly.
At first I was quite disappointed with how this set came out but I then began to appreciate their grainy quality and contrasting exposure. I adore the surprise involved with film photography, immediately forgetting what you have captured and wondering just how they will turn out. Some of my favourites either didn't get printed (I've noticed Boots seem to develop fewer and fewer of my prints every time I take them, I had 27 photos and they only developed 20 which is very annoying, especially as it isn't cheap–I don't know if this is just part of the gamble of film??) or were so under-exposed which is a little sad, especially as there were 2 of me and my oldest friends which I was really excited to see. Oh well.

These follow Oxford, Barcelona and Brighton.


Gracia District on a very wet Saturday, Barcelona


Snow


'Bridge of Sighs', Oxford


Parc de la Citudella, Barcelona


Oxford


La Sagrada Familia, Barcelona


Barcelona


Platja de la Barceloneta


Casa Viens, Barcelona


Me and Maria, Barcelona


Park Guell, Barcelona


La Sagrada Familia, Barcelona


Rainy gothic quarter, Barcelona


Libby in the lanes


Brighton (Lexie, Dalal, Libby)


Brighton beach


The Lanes, Brighton

This past week has been a blur of nights out and days at work and old friends and wine drinking and long train journeys and the disappearance to my favourite town where I deleted all social media and revelled in the familiarity. It is a beacon of safety. I returned feeling a little anxious but with an empowering sense of re-evaluation, about my goals and self and the things I wish of achieving. I intended on unpacking (for the 4th time in less than a month) but then got lost in catching up with everyone's posts and updating my journal.

Here's an excerpt I wrote on my phone whilst sitting on the beach in the dark.
the sound of the sea at night.
the relentless crashing of waves lovingly onto the shore, caressing the sand with their aquatic commitment.
in a head of torment and a world of hate it provides a ceaseless reminder that life goes on.
that nature continues regardless of the qualms of man.
that everything is as it should be.

musings #3

(I love the earthy yellows and greens of this mood board, offset with delicate blues and pinks–it radiates warmth. It makes me yearn for summer heat and days in the countryside and new places, as always none of these pics are my own and all can be found here)

i am

dreaming of: summer sun, a different body, familiarity, holidays, sleep, being fluent in French, companionship

thinking about: a lot, too much, all of which was written down in a post then deleted because positivity breeds positivity. But in essence: whats the point if it ends? am i a bad person? political disengagement, self worth, speaking out and up and not living alone with your torment, being good enough

feeling: tired, hungover, adventurous, proud, happy, disorientated, loved, unloved

reading: Larchfield (strange)

happy because: I spent a weekend meeting people who are just as genuine and candid and real as their online selves portray, my mum made my bed so I had the heaven of fresh sheets to fall into at 2am this morning, I spent last night dancing

sad because: I am growing up, people change, my room is a mess

spending time: working, a weekend in Oxford, Barcelona, London/Brighton, seeing old friends, getting lost in the drama of familiarity, packing, unpacking, not really stopping, drinking gin, becoming accustomed to wine, buying new clothes, tricking myself I'm ready for my driving test, stroking my cat, wasting on time on social media and hating it

listening to: George Ezra's new album, Tom Rosenthal 'the pleasure was all mine, miguel', Georges Bizet 'carmen: suite no.2'

wishing i could: write, especially something fictional, and not feel so lost and stuck as soon as I sit down to type

refraining from buying: (I've bought quite a few new items recently, maybe I'll showcase them but...) Stan Smith trainers (everyone in Barcelona wore them and ugh!!), a new rucksack, some fancy writing paper, boring (and expensive) essentials (external hard-drive, SD card because mine snapped in my bag– goodbye £100 on nothing)

thankful for: friends, old and new, the excitement of the past few weeks, the money I make because it makes these things possible, my mum, my cat

life is: exciting, stimulating, new, unfamiliar, adventurous, rewarding. But also tiring. I need to sleep for a few days and then evaluate just how cool the past few weeks have been.

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Barcelona

One of my gap year goals was to travel somewhere alone. This was, I suppose, its completion.
I actually went to BCN to meet my penpal of 4 years (Maria) but travelled alone and stayed in an airbnb. Pretty cool for someone who couldn't do sleepovers until they were 15 and used to have screaming panic attacks on the tarmac before flying lmao.



I had a fucking awesome time, despite a few tears on the middle day and a pretty noisy internal voice.
We ate so much food and walked so far (20km daily) and took so many pictures (get excited for the disposables!!) and saw so many amazing little hidden corners of the city and chatted endlessly and I felt so independent and adventurous and ah, I'd love to have lived in that euphoric bubble for a few days longer.

MAJOR thanks for Maria for being so lovely and providing such interesting, hidden tours of the city and, unknowingly, ticking off so many things on my Barca bucket list. It felt such a privilege to be shown the best parts of the city by someone who knows it so well and she would endlessly exclaim "oh, I've thought of something else I want to show you, it isn't far!" and they never disappointed.

so here's a brief lil overview of what I did and some pics because I could gush for hours about how cool it was to travel alone and how proud I was of myself (lol) and how fab Maria was blah. blah.





























Saturday:
- walked around Gracia district in the POURING rain getting grumpy and wet because I didnt bring an umbrella
- bought an umbrella
- casa vicens (wish wish wish I'd gone inside)
- Las Ramblas, La Boqueira Market (both necessary for the 'Barca' experience but v touristy)
- El Colectivo cafe for Earl Grey tea, sandwiches and an escape from the rain
- wandered into book shops and art shops in El Raval
- gothic quarter, wandering through streets, into cute cloisters, marvelling at architecture, stopping every 2 seconds to take a photo
- El Born, for sure my favourite area we explored–bohemian and arty, lovely to just get lost in the alleys
- burritos at Rosa Negra that rendered me motionless from over consumption (long wait but worth it for the veggie goodness and cheap mojitos)
-Palau de Musica (insane architecture, for sure going to pay to get in next time, it looks insane–one day I'll see a concert there...)
- more wandering and gothic basilica viewing (the architecture is so cool)
- churros at Granja M. Viader–fab because it was where all the locals go and the churros were insane (with melted dark chocolate) - there was also someone shooting a movie whilst we ate which was entertaining to watch
- gothic cathedral in the dark
- casa Battlo in the dark (both looked so cool)
- warm shower and sleep (both much needed after walking around with squelching feet all day)

Sunday:
- drama with my alarm
- painful blisters and desperate search for any shop that would be open on a Sunday
- Park Guell (so cool but reckon I would have appreciated it better if it was less 'done'/on the tourist trail and I'd seen fewer pics of it before hand) – could happily have spent so much longer exploring the wider park (as oppose to the Monumental Zone) but my schedule awaited
- Trek to find somewhere to buy some lunch then a few tears because I felt sorta lonely (I did these activities w/o Maria because obvs she had seen them 100 times before) and as though everyone was staring at me for being on my own (which, in Park Guell, they were and I honestly felt like screaming) and because I put so much relentless pressure on myself
- La Sagrada Familia (which, despite it being massive I couldnt find for 20 mins and turned around and saw it was looming over the whole city)- insane, totally worth the ticket price. Spent a good hour just sitting in silence looking up at the ceiling. The height and contradictory simplicity is so freeing and the colours so alive and warm, its so intricate and unusual and such has such a fascinating story
- Casa Battlo, this time in the light
- La Pedrera Casa Mia – definitely not my favourite Gaudi
- accidentally got caught up in Catalan Independence protests (which were so interesting)
- post card writing
- spontaneous trip with Maria to be shown night-city views (Palau Nacional–go at night!! such a good view, this was definitely one of my favourite things)
- even more spontaneous late night tapas
- protests outside our tapas restaurant (we were on Passeig de Gracia, one of the main streets in BCN) that became violent and the protestors set light to bins–tapas cut short and we had to wait in the closed restaurant before Maria's parents came to save us (lol actually very exciting and interesting, especially as Maria could translate it all for me)

Monday:
- woke up to a beautiful sunrise
- Barceloneta beach, walked along the port and the sand then through the streets
- bought insane pastries from La Colmena
- went inside the gothic cathedral–very interesting, especially in contrast to La Sagrada Familia
- ate our pastries in the sun
- wandered through Gothic quarter again (really liked Placa de Sant Felip Neri–Barcelona is fully of these tiny little oases of calm and squares/cloisters that open up just off the main streets)
- a mistaken adventure to a massive Pull and Bear which we had to quickly abort because neither of our purses could fund our wants (I did then come home and order it all online lol)
- El Call (Jewish district)
- Plaza Real
- lunch at a place near Park de Citudella (that I don't know the name of)
- Arc de Triomf and Passeig de Lluis Companys
- Park de Citudella
- walk through El Born and up to Las Ramblas were we grabbed a coffee in Cafe de l'Opera
- Our final goodbyes then a m-a-n-i-c rush to get back to the apartment on the metro (I adore using public transport in foreign countries, so far Barcelona's metro system scores pretty high – certainly better than Buda's) and back to the train (turns out I was super early)
- embarrassment at the airport when I tried to scan my ticket for La Sagrada Familia as my boarding pass and got turned away
- insane views over Barcelona (see final pic)
- tears because I didn't want to be leaving and I was so proud of myself and it had been such an adventure and I was so tired and my feet hurt so much

The highlights included: Maria meeting me at the airport because a) a familiar face (even though we'd never actually met) was just what I needed after 3 hours of self doubt, b) she took me straight to my apartment, minimising all stress and c), I knew we were gonna get on, view from Palau Nacional, El Born/Barri de Gotic, sitting and eating churros for 2 hours, sitting in La Sagrada Familia and the tapas night.
Also, on a random note, my money belt was, again, fucking ace. If you ever travel anywhere get one of these. Mine is a total eyesore (electric blue-sexy)but honest to god its the most useful thing ever. It keeps everything safe, within handy reach, is so discreet (they're supposed to be worn under your clothes but I just wear mine around my waist) and means you can run out the house without your bag knowing you have the essentials. Buy one.

A few things remain, or have been added onto, my Barca Bucket list. I shall, for sure, be back. Next time:
Go inside Case Vicens/Casa Battlo
Go inside Palau de Musica
Picasso Museum
Wander the streets in the summer sun (instead of March rain)
Experience more of the night scene

SO
It was pretty awesome. I loved, more than anything, just wandering with no agenda, Maria explaining the history or little quirks of the area and coming across areas of quiet beauty and just walking and talking and eating. I then spent the next day curled up on my bed with my 2 oldest friends, catching up on the past 3 months and drifting into a world of familiarity and safety.
Today marks my first day off work for the Easter holidays, which I have spent hungover and exhausted. We had a dramatic night out last night, all of which was reconciled with a "what were we even arguing about?" realisation. Over the next 2 weeks I have plans to go to Brighton/London, nights out with old friends, working (at a different place but am craving another weekend trip so extra shifts are certainly necessary) and a week away in my favourite place. I dream of being productive but I doubt that will come to fruition.